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Alone In The Dark

Alone In The Dark


Title - Alone In The Dark
My Admission - $0.75
One Line Review - It’s Completely Senseless


Review – Uwe Boll’s (House of the Dead) new film Alone In The Dark is a complete waste of time and money.  I do not include the word effort because I don’t think any was put into the making of this film.  It’s a senseless piece of garbage the likes of which I can’t remember seeing before.

Christian Slater plays some jerk off who used to be a member of a paranormal SWAT team.  Tara Reid plays his “not brighter than the light on a telephone poll” girlfriend is a classic “D” movie performance.  And Stephen Dorff plays the asshole cop, who now runs the paranormal SWAT team.  These three dingleberries must save the world from god-knows-what, because it’s never explained, and how it ties into a Native American tribe that disappeared over 10,000 years ago.

This is the stoopidest movie I can remember seeing.  No worthy or even half-assed explanations are given for the ridiculousness of the characters or their plights.  The film gives you a strong desire to throw heavy objects at the screen.

It gets so bad that at one point a dead SWAT member picks there head up before the other actors can walk out of frame and the director yell cut.  Effort people.  That’s what gets quality scenes like this into a finished film.

Now then, why $0.75?

$0.25 for wanting a cool ending.  The writers really had a great idea for an ending.  However they did nothing to get the audience there and so it’s ineffectual.  I want Jim Cameron to steal the idea and make me a movie worthy of this ending.


Movie Information

Distributor: Lions Gate Films
MPAA Rating: R for violence and language.
Starring:  Christian Slater, Tara Reid, Stephen Dorff, Mark AchesonWilliam Sanderson
Director: Uwe Boll
Producers:  Shawn Williamson, Uwe Boll, Don Murphy, Rick Benattar,Wolfgang Herold
Screenwriter: Elan Mastai, Michael Roesch, Peter Scheerer
Cinematographer:  Mathias Neumann
Composer: Reinhard Besser, Oliver Lieb, Bernd Wendlandt, Peter Zweier
Executive Producer: Uwe Boll, Bruno Bonnell, Harry Rubin
Running Time: 1 hr. 36 min.
Genre: Action/Adventure, Suspense/Horror and Thriller

Turn Down The Lights, Turn Up The Sound.

Matthew Gilbert © 1999-2015 All Rights Reserved

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